Wednesday, October 12, 2005

So Much Trouble in the World

My wife will not be deploying so it seems, but that is a great thing! I was looking forward to her doing an incredible job and impressing and getting career "points" for serving in an overseas combat zone, maybe getting her a promotion, award, or otherwise commanding the respect that her already impressive resume includes...Two overseas tours...Special Duty assignment with the chief of Staff and Secretary of the Air Force (all the while DURING the Sep 11th episode at the Pentagon, with fire alarms pulled from the ceilings so they could work while the building was ACTUALLY on fire smoldering.) She is the greatest, and the more people who see her in her light know it, and only the envious and sorry have problems with her. Limp dicked types.

We got here to Florida, and on the way here from the airport, a chief MSGT drove us home and explained about the shop that my wife was taking over. One was a problem child for a while, but only in her dating "choices." Another couldn't refrain from checking out "verboten" sites on the internet using gob'ment computers, but was otherwise a passable airman...The last was a non-motivated little young and obnoxious airman, straight out of basic with ZERO NCO guidance...I tried using my Army NCO experience to help her through all of this, and she has loved my advice, but that isn't the point. My wife has turned Miss dating choices nearly to a jr NCO, the puter dork into a trooper in Iraq trying like hell to do a great job and doing so, and uhm yeah...She is still trying, though on litle miss unmotivated!


So I will change this topic on this blog and hope to gain some interest.

The new TOPIC?? The restaurant industry! You won't know where I work, but it is a chain, kind of on the expensive side and likely near you...I wait tables! I bartend! I usually make between $500-1000 a week doing this easy job! More than I made as a truck driver, more that I made in sales, and WAY more than I did as an office lackey...

See, in the restaurant industry, there are many categories of people. Where are you? Are you southern white trash? Demanding prick? Total ghetto biatches? Drunkards? Great restaurant guests? My restaurant has MANY of each category, and I plan on blogging about as many of them as I can!!

Something about me loves this job! I went to college, I paid for it myself actually, but came back into restaurants...I love to hang out, to party, and most of all, to EAT great food...I LOVE to eat food and match a good wine. I love to serve people who are in that category...If you fit that profile, you are going to get some awesome service...If you order your order that the chef has prepared especially for you without mushrooms, garlic, basil, cheese, and onions, just fuck off and order something else asshole...

I will tell you a story real quick here...

Greg was once a middle linebacker for a PROMINENT college football team. We worked together in a famous restaurant in the Washington DC area, Virginia side...He had the unfortunate distinction of looking like Neumann, from Seinfeld, and this being 1996, and Seinfeld being a very prominent show at the time, it was unfortunate indeed. Like most middle linebackers that couldn't make the pros and had "juiced" in the late80's/early 90's, Greg was massive...6'3", over 250 pounds, probably a 54" shoulder and 38" waist...Just a GIANT Neumann... This place was normally a restaurant, but it was located in a reeaalllyy cool spot and would turn into a drinking bar around 10pm. With Greg waiting tables, every time his back turned, someone in the very large, loud room full of drunkards would inevitably yell out "Hello Neumann!" He eventually turned into a drug addict, had to go to rehab, and was fired for drinking on the job...Nicest guy though, reaally!

and then there was Mary...The NICEST (except for my wife) person you could find...Married to the nicest dude that you could find...Mary was as sweet as the double shift is long, and totally easy on the eyes as well. Her husband was trying to score with his ability to make people laugh performing as a stand-up comic, and remains one of the funniest people I have ever met...

One night Mary was being tormented by a table, a woman who could not be satisfied...She would have a new demand on this great server every time that she visited the table...Usually quite extraordinary, or otherwise. She is only in the salad course during this busy Saturday shift when the woman nearly makes her cry. Greg, feeling very bad for Mary pulls her aside, and simply states, "it is only money Mary! If they stiff you or give you 25%, it is only money! Here, go to their table smiling! Let me sweat on your salad for you!" Our salads came with two toasted pieces of french bread and Greg simply picked up the bitchy woman's salad bread and mopped his massive, SWEATY, and I do mean SWEATY brow with them...The rest of table suffered no consequences, though Mary did overhear the bitchy woman explaining to the table that even though the food was great, and things went ok, that what they were leaving as tip was WAY too much...

Mary was smiling though!!

I love this job!

I have so many stories, and want to tell them all. Wait me out, and you will hear some doozies, and find out where you are in the world of servers and bartenders...I love this job!


At Wed Oct 12, 11:32:00 AM, Blogger CaliValleyGirl said...

Oh my god...that is, from now on, only ass-kissing when I go out to eat.

Reminds me of this book I read, called Waiting.

P.S. I love your wife, too!

At Wed Oct 12, 01:38:00 PM, Blogger waltoncad said...

I just visited there and bought the book! I had heard about that book, and now there is even a movie (different writer) about the life...

I needed something to make my order over $25 when I was buying Bill Simmons book about the Red Sox, and that book was too perfect!


At Fri Oct 14, 07:20:00 PM, Blogger Tammi said...

Yeah!! You're blogging again!!! ;-)

Ok - the movie Waiting? You HAVE to see it. My friend's son wrote and directed it. I don't care if you like it or not...I HAVE to know what you think.

BTW - your wife ROCKS! Thanks for letting me know about her site.

Will be linking tomorrow - it's blog-cleanin day.


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